Stay-at-Home Mama Drama

Wow. Sometimes that is all I can say. Since March, I have become a full time stay at home mom. I love love love it more than ever.....but wow. I feel like I don't have a second to breathe alone sometimes. There are those moments when I seriously feel like I'm going to scream! I've been at home for four years but watched other children....and it wasn't just my boys and I until recently. Let me say again I DO LOVE IT.....but it definitely gives me a lot of stress sometimes!

All the glorified images I had of my house being spotless, every corner was dusted, every inch of the house being in order.....yeah that DOESN'T happen. Instead, I feel like I clean up the same crap 375,000 times a day! Why do I feel like that? Ummm because it's true! I'm trying really hard not to stress over that part of the deal. But, I do sometimes feel that if I don't get a big project done during the day, that it's a bad day. With a 4 year old, and a 1 year old.....it's hard to get a lot done, whether you're home 40 hours a week or 4 hours a week. That's just the way it is I guess. I try to do as much as I can while Drew takes a nap.

The things I love about being at home, are of  course the obvious....staying with my boys. But, I also like being able to leave the house during the day! That hasn't happened in 4 years! I can grocery shop when only the old people are out....and I mean older than me (I'm 30 now ya know lol) We have been going to the park, having play dates, all the fun things we were never able to do before and I love that. I'm learning that the mess will still be here when I get home from the park.....I'll pick it up then, and then probably 15 more times before bedtime as well, and that's ok. I love not needing to be in a certain place at a certain time. If the boys want to sleep in a little bit....whatev. We got nothin but time! But there are a few little things about staying at home, that I need to get used to.

When I first started this stay at home stuff.....Mine and Cole's relationship suffered a lot. He was bored, as was I. He went from being around kids, and going to part time preschool to.....being with Mom and baby brother all day everyday. He would act out, talk back (more than usual) and I was constantly screaming at him it felt like. I prayed and prayed at night for me to be better at dealing with him. About a week ago, I just started trying to calm down and when he was acting out, instead of yelling at him, I just gave him more positive attention. As corny as it sounds, giving him a hug or playing with just him. And so far, it has worked. He's become much more loving towards me, and he only has moments where his behavior is out of control instead of days. Thank goodness! I'm really enjoying not feeling like the bad guy all the time. He even chose me over Grammy the other day. Grammy told me her heart was breaking, but I was trying to hold back a smile! lol. Terrible, I know.

I am having a bit of a hard time with not making any money to contribute to our family. I thought I would handle that great, but I'm really not. I find myself feeling guilty if I spend anything. My hubs is absolutely wonderful, and none of these feelings are coming from him whatsoever. I just feel like kind of a deadbeat. lol There are days when I am fine with it, and then there are days like today, when I go get my hair done and feel absolutely horrible for spending money on that. These are all things we will just need to work on in time. Right now, it's still one day at a time, and one different train wreck of emotions each day.

But, would I rather leave my kids and go to work each day? Absoulutely not. I know there are tons of working mothers, and I give them props. I don't know that I could handle working outside the home, and taking care of a house and kids. I know there are also moms that say, staying at home isn't for them. That's ok too. That's what makes this world go round! Different strokes for different folks, right? lol. As for me, I love staying at home....just need a little more time to work out the kinks! We'll get there! 

Now we get to do things like doughnut dates for breakfast. :)

Dirty 30

After a 2 month blogcation.....I'm back. I've still been reading blogs, just didn't feel that I had anything to write about. I think I'm ready to get back into the swing of things now!

Well, it happened. I turned 30 on July 13. I was really dreading it. Ending my 20's was more traumatic than I had thought it would be. But, as the day became closer and closer, I started wanting it to just get here already so that I could get it over with.

I was excited that the hubs had setup my parents to babysit, and we were going to dinner and the movies. I really felt old when he told me that we were taking the kids over to my parents at 2pm so that we were back by bedtime. He told me about this a few weeks ahead of time, so I was excited. He told me the night before while he was on a 24 hour shift, to go shopping for a new outfit. I took him up on the offer of course.

On the day of my birthday, I packed all the kids things that they would need for the day. As well as snacks, drinks, all the things Drew would need, and all the "just in case" items. 2:00 came and we packed up the kids and headed to my parents house.

As we pulled into my parents neighborhood, I started noticing a lot of my neighbors cars. Turns out my hubs had been planning a surprise party for 4 months! My exact words when I saw the cars......"so we're not leaving the kids?" Probably not the response he was looking for!

It was a nice day spent with our closest friends and family. We played corn hole, and beer frisbee. If you don't know what beer frisbee is....google it! You'll be glad you did. I forgot all about the fact that I was now 30, and as the day went on it didn't seem important anymore.

After I got home that night, I was opening all the generous gifts that my friends and family had brought me, and I started feeling so lucky. Who cares if I'm 30.....I'm guessing my 30's will be the best years to come! I had four goals I wanted to achieve before I turned 30.

1. Graduate from college (Which I did, in 2006) it took me 5 years for a bachelors degree....don't hate, lol
2. Get married ( 2008)
3. Own a home(2008)
4. Be done having kids ( finished that up in March 2012)

So I have achieved everything I wanted to before I was 30. Now I'll have to work on a new set of goals for 40. Yikes!

The party my hubs planned for meant a lot. I was touched that he had actually put thought and time into it. He's always a lot better at sweet gestures than I am. Lucky girl, I know. So far, 30 isn't bad. I feel older and wiser....riiiiight. I'm now part of the "Dirty 30"club. Holla! BTW I'm going back to blonde tomorrow. EEEK. What better way to adjust to being 30, than to change your hair color, right? I'm so ready!

The mirrors don't lie!

Happy Mothers Day! Hope all the moms had a great day! For Mother's Day, I received a full length mirror. Something I had been wanting for a while. You know, for all those ootd pics! Haha yeah right. I'm a SAHM my outfits don't get very exciting! But nonetheless I wanted a mirror. I can only see from basically mid stomach up in my bathroom mirror, and same with my dresser.

Well it came as no surprise to me that the new full length mirror scares me to death. I was afraid to look at myself....but I knew I had to face it. I was ashamed at what I saw. I am ashamed of so many things after looking in that mirror. I'm ashamed of what I've let my body become, I'm ashamed that I just KEEP letting it happen, I'm ashamed that I didn't care enough about myself to stop this before I got to the point, I'm ashamed that I don't recognize that person I see in that mirror. It's a harsh reality check. I am continuously making excuses for myself. "Ah, it's not THAT bad" " I will just wear different clothes, it's the clothes making me look that bad" "I'll make a change tomorrow"

I honestly, don't know what it's going to take, if crying every time I need to go somewhere that I have to wear real clothes, or changing the angles of pictures I take of myself (from the neck up) so that you can't see all of my fat face. I am so disgusted every time I see myself in my pictures, I cringe every time my mom gets her video camera out. I am just so tired of it. Ugh!!!

On a happier note, my youngest son Drew, was baptized on Mothers Day! He didn't care much for our pastor holding him.....he made quite a fuss :) but, it was still a great day. We had lunch with two of my grandmas, my parents, and two of my aunts. Then home to spend the rest of the day with my boys!

Cole's Birthday Weekend!

Last night while my hubs was working, he sends me a fb message that says "you're really slacking on the blog" lol. He reads the weeks posts at once, and apparently last night, he didn't have much to read!

On Thursday, Drew got his first haircut! He looks so handsome and grown up! I didn't cry this time around, but it was close. I'm one of THOSE moms. I'm completely ok with that! My hubs had to work, so my parents went with me. My dad had to hold Drew. He was not about to sit in the chair by himself. So high maintenance. I have no idea where he gets that!

On Saturday, we celebrated Cole's 4th birthday! It's official, my baby is 4! We had a party at my parents lake house!! It was a beautiful day. We were outside the whole day! Cole was worn out, and so were his poor allergy eyes. Poor guy swells up to the size of golf balls in the spring. Can't seem to find anything that works. He's seeing an allergist soon, thank goodness.

Sunday my hubs had to work again. Cole had soccer. He scored his first goal! I was a proud Mommy!! Even if he did position the ball with his hands on where he wanted to kick it! ;) I say that's just a smart way to do things! All in all, a pretty great weekend! What did you do?

WIW and B & A

Weigh in Wednesday again! I have to be honest, I haven't been on the scale in about 4 weeks. Basically, because I'm afraid of what I'm going to see. I've gotten careless lately. Just shoveling food in my mouth whenever, and whatever I wanted. Booooo. I'll tell you....I really like when I get dressed and clothes fit better, than I do when  I eat multiple cupcakes, and drink pepsi! I need to remember that feeling! I had a Dr's appt and I told them not to tell me what the scale said, and I didn't look! She did say "it's down a little bit from last time". That was 2 months ago......the sad part is....I'd went down a lot since the last time at the Dr. but I'm fearful I've put most of it back on. Hence, the reason I didn't want to look.

I'm bored with the 30 DS, I hate the treadmill, I've been walking outside but with Cole on his bike....and as you can imagine....we're not moving very fast at that point :) But at least I'm moving right? We try to do about 2 miles a day, weather permitting. I need a good app on my phone to track how far we've gone, and how many calories. Any suggestions? I don't want to buy a fance shmancy watch. I'm not skilled enough, nor fast enough to require one of those. An app will be just fine! I'm now finding that certain parts of my body need more work than others. Arms, and Inner thighs are my issues right now. I've been looking for exercises to address specifically those issues this week.

This is a before picture in February, and a picture this morning on the right. I have a LONG way to go. That's only down about 15 pounds.....and I've gained some back. Try to draw your attention away from my giant flabby arms. I cannot believe I even posted this for the world to see, lol. It's somewhat hard to see int eh black tanktop....but I still looked pregnant in that pic! I'm happy with seeing some results....but I know that I have such a long way to go before I'm comfortable again. A work in progress. My arms seem to be getting more flabby as I lose weight. Is that common??

I haven't seen any other WIW posts yet this morning so I hope didn't mess the memo...and we are still doing this right?? :)

Need a Routine

 

I'm a creature of habit, I like routine. Lately, my routine has been upside down! I am still learning the ropes of this whole being at home ALL. DAY.LONG. stuff. Is there some Stay-at-home mom code that I don't know about?

To all of you other SAHM's.....do you have certain chores you do each day? Or do you just do things as you see that they need done? Oddly enough....now that I have all the time in the world to clean my house, I find it getting messier as the days go by! That's probably because I'm in the middle of it all day now, and things that wouldn't normally be getting messy, are. I feel a little bit like a chicken with my head cut off, running around from task to task.....and not really completeing anything!

I'm finding myself much less stressed. Before it was hurry hurry hurry.....need to get things done while I have the chance. Now it's.....eh I have all week to get that done! Umm....that doesn't always work out. Procrastination is not my strong suit! So I've been trying to find ways to get myself on a routine, so that not so many things need done all at once. My progress so far......well the only thing I've accomplished is the laundry. I do it on Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I know that my laundry has never all been done at the same time before......because I'm out of hangers for the hubs and I! haha. Sad but true.

Here are a few things I've found on Pinterest to help me with my routine issues:





I plan on checking all these things out, and hopefully something will inspire me! Anyone have an routines they follow?

Blog Friends Rock, and Our Weekend

Today, I thought I'd share a little bit about the struggles I've been having in the weight-loss world. The past month, I have mentioned that my life has drastically changed. I cannot go into much detail but I can tell you that I am now a true stay-at-home Mom. No babysitting on the side anymore. Since all that has happened.....I'm a lot less busy. (Although I shouldn't be, my house needs scrubbed from top to bottom) There have been a lot of changes for me. I now have access to food all day long, I didn't before. I am now bored, again shouldn't be....but what did old Kristen do when she was bored?.....yep, EAT....oh and since I was depressed a few weeks ago...I had my hubs pick me up a 12 pack of pepsi, and I've been drinking one everyday! Lots of bad habits that I had kicked 4 months ago, have been coming back the past 4 weeks. I also used to blog everyday. I looked forward to it. But, lately I haven't made time for it, I have felt like I don't really have much to say. I'm disheartened about a lot of things in life right now. One being, why doing good things for people, most of the time end up biting you in the ass. I guess you could say I've been in  hibernation somewhat.

Something hit me last night when I was scanning through instagram pics that all you girls have been posting. What has changed with me that I don't care what I eat, I'm not working out, and feeling the way old Kristen used to feel? It's the fact that I haven't made time to blog with all of you, and make myself accountable. Although we don't see each other everyday you blog friends were/are my inspiration and when I'm not involved, or not talking with you everyday.....you start feeling alone again. Overwhelmed in the whole process.....again. The cold hard truth is, when you eat crap, you feel like crap. When you don't move your body.....you feel like crap....when you let yourself feel like crap.....you becoming an even bigger pile of crap. lol. I try to make light of it, but it's the truth! So my blogging is going to become a priority of mine again. It really does help.

I've gotta kick this feeling. When you feel like life is a mess....you become like your surroundings. I'm a firm believer of that. When my house is a mess, I feel a mess. I know that sounds crazy, but it all adds up to not feeling in control. I've always been like that. When studying for a big exam back in college....I would have to clean my room first....because I didn't have a clear head for studying in a messy room. A little crazy I know! But, it is what it is!

Alright, on to some brighter news!

This weekend, Cole had his first soccer game. I was nervous. Last year we signed him up for tball. It was a disaster. He wanted nothing to do with it, and wouldn't leave Randy's side. Granted, it was at 9 am on saturday morning, outside in the dead of summer. It was so hot. There were 40 kids on the "team" so you had to wait 20 mins to bat, 20 mins to field, and you get the idea. It was a disaster. So I can't blame Cole for not liking it. But soccer? He loved it, and did amazing. I was so proud of him. It's indoor, and there are 3 coaches, he did so great.

Cole is the 4th kiddo in from the left, in a light blue shirt



We also celebrated Cole's 4th birthday with his friends this weekend! We had a bowling party. His first ever "kid party" His bday is April 27, we will do just immediate family on that day, but had a great time with his friends this weekend!

And yesterday, before heading out to my friends little boy's party....my hubs made a comment that it takes me forever to get ready. Not gonna lie, it does when I have to start from scratch. That, meaning I take a shower before going somewhere instead of at night when I usually do . So when I have to start with a shower.....it's a long haul. So I sent him this pic yesterday of why it takes me a long time.....

Hopefully now he understands! lol. Yes, I realize my hair looks super dark when it's wet. Weird. There you have it......another great weekend with my boys in the books! Have a great day!