Today, this is kinda how I'm feeling:
I'm all about my old school faves when trying to push through on the treadmill.....but I'm a country girl at heart....so I usually rely on Jason, Blake, Dierks, Eric, Kip, Justin, Luke and Florida Georgia Line to get me through :)Being able to listen to my tunes, is totally what makes me WANT to go run. Whatever gets me moving, right?!
To all of you ladies who are on a weight loss journey like me....how do you get past the feeling of looking in the mirror and saying "yep, still fat" or do you even have that feeling? I know I'm moving in the right direction....but I am just so disgusted with myself! I know, I should have had this feeling while gaining this weight but now I just can't stand it. I struggle everyday with it....now I've become obsessed with it! I have no patience, and I'm more embarrassed now more than ever, about letting this happen! It's like all of the sudden, I'm aware I'm fat? Or maybe my mind has just finally accepted it. I don't know what it is, but I am so ready to change my life! I wanna be skinny more than I wanna eat!
This morning my hubs and I were talking....and I said "if it weren't for junk food, I'd be skinny" meaning....I don't eat processed foods, I eat lean met, I don't like butter, ....ya know stuff like that. He said to me "the majority of your problem is activity. You think you do a lot during the day, but you don't. You are sitting most of the day. It's just the nature of your job" I wanted to cry and smack him all at the same time. I was embarrassed, and sad, and just kinda humiliated all together. He's right, but I guess I'm having a lot of reality checks these past few weeks. I'm in two rooms all day....so there aren't many places for me to walk. I am up to change diapers, make lunch, and snacks, clean up....but the majority of the day, I'm sitting on the floor with the kids, or sitting at the desk. I need to think of ways to become more active during the day. I don't know why it took me this long to get so embarrassed about what I've become! I guess when you're at your lowest point, the good news is, the only direction left to go is up! I will go drown myself in self-pity now! LOL